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Dreams sometimes scare me
In their emotional force
The feelings I had in the dream
Are still with me when I wake up
And sometimes
Can set the pattern for all day

Last night I had such a dream
I was living in my house that I had in California
Except that it wasn’t rural anymore
There were shacks everywhere
With people cooking over open fires
And old rusty cars in piles on the hill
I actually had one room and the kitchen
And I kept inside
I had fear, but didn’t know why

And then my late son knocked at the door
He was back. He was alive.
The happiness swept me like a storm
We held each other. We talked.
We cried.
But then he went to the store
And died in an accident again
Then he came back to my door
And we cried and talked
Then he left for school
And died in an accident again

I ran out into the road
Lined with shacks
And people waved hello
Like nothing had happened

I woke up gasping
Not wanting to open any doors today.

But I did.
I drove to the gym
And walked on the treadmill
At a slow pace
Thinking of the good times with my son
Easing my silent screaming muscles into action
I lasted 20 minutes.

The fear and the dread in my heart were gone
Replaced by muscles who are telling me they
Don’t like me anymore.