It’s been months since I’ve written

Caught up in change, I whirl from one to another

And then I realize

It’s HERE.

The date that you died – 28 years ago

How can this pain be so fresh at a memory’s touch

I can be there in the parking lot when I found out

I can see the cars parked and feel the sun on my face

And I now witness from afar my world caving in

and my knees giving out

and the scream in my throat

Suddenly, witness turns to actor

The sadness sets in – sadness of the lonely vigil

I keep every year that you are gone

It all so selfish – it’s all about my loss

You lost the rest of your life

the what would-have-been scenarios I play in my head

never to be

I’ll have to dig deeper this year

to acknowledge the pain and get through it.

and go on to next year.