It is unnerving to know you have cancer.  In this short period of finding out, wondering when it started, how it started, did I do something to cause it, my mind keeping running around these thoughts – (My doctor said it was just luck when I asked him.) In looking for an answer, I don’t think of what is really scaring me – the unknown.

I’ve had a lot of experience with a tumultuous life – something always told me that my life was going to be a bumpy ride.  Not because I was mistreated, only because I feel and see things that I just don’t understand about human suffering, wants and needs. Always wanted to know why.

I remember, as a child rooting for the Indians on television and always being disappointed when they died.  I read books a lot – my Mom called me, Always has her nose-in-a-book.   Why?  I love learning about imaginary places – going beyond that farmhouse on Kaolin Road.  Ray Bradbury gave me so many hours of traveling to different worlds – my favorite:  Dark they were and golden-eyed – Mars expedition to find missing previous expeditions. – and they found the Martians – the planet made the previous expeditions into its Martians – and it was not a bad thing.  Or my other story, the lonely dinosaur hears a call from leagues below the sea – he travels every so slowly to answer the call – someone like him exists!  When he gets to call, it is a lighthouse with a bellowing horn to warn ships.  The way Bradbury wrote, you became the lonely beast.  What a writer!

But I ramble – so bring on the coffee.  Maybe I should have wanted until after coffee to write this, but hey, time is a tickin’ on this life.

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