edjancup

Uncle Ed and cousin Ed and Eileen came to visit today – we had a great time talking and Uncle Ed and I went for a walk.  It is always great to see people – I just hope I don’t scare them – I guess because my appearance scares me – no hair, dark circles under my eyes and the halting way I walk sometimes (nephropathy pain).

Mostly, I sit and enjoy and bantering of other people’s conversation – stories tell us who we are and how we fit in.  Because of the cancer, I don’t feel that I fit in anymore.  I got this demon on my shoulder whispering in my ear (great song lyric, huh?).  I keep having to tell her to shut up and I go on enjoying people’s normal lives.  My life can be somewhat normal again.  I just tire easily of this drama – going to Kaiser, getting chemo ot shots or CT scans or MRI s – god, I should be grateful.  Grateful I have these miracles at my fingertips.  Grateful I have people who care for me and about me.

More later.

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