Uncle Ed and cousin Ed and Eileen came to visit today – we had a great time talking and Uncle Ed and I went for a walk. It is always great to see people – I just hope I don’t scare them – I guess because my appearance scares me – no hair, dark circles under my eyes and the halting way I walk sometimes (nephropathy pain).
Mostly, I sit and enjoy and bantering of other people’s conversation – stories tell us who we are and how we fit in. Because of the cancer, I don’t feel that I fit in anymore. I got this demon on my shoulder whispering in my ear (great song lyric, huh?). I keep having to tell her to shut up and I go on enjoying people’s normal lives. My life can be somewhat normal again. I just tire easily of this drama – going to Kaiser, getting chemo ot shots or CT scans or MRI s – god, I should be grateful. Grateful I have these miracles at my fingertips. Grateful I have people who care for me and about me.