I prefer that to real snow. During this whole ordeal, I’ve been cold – just can’t get warm except under my electric blanket, in bed with the covers drawn up around my head (oh, yeah, with socks on). No, I haven’t lost that much weight (maybe 35 pounds), but there’s oh so much more to go. I don’t recommend this type of weight loss or hair loss,
Had the final Chemo yesterday – was really nervous – saw my breakfast twice – not recommended either, esp. when you go bolting out the door to get in the car and realize something is not right…and it’s not. Luckily, I made it back into the house. So I got through the session listening to music again.
So today was the first of the shots – building white blood cells again. Four days in a row – down to the hospital for a shot and then back again. I am tired. Not just fatigued – but tired of it all – and apprehensive about what this all means.
First hurdle is getting past Joe’s death date of Dec. 6. Always so hard, never can explain to people how I feel even after all this time. So this year, I’m not – I’ll do something for myself and not tell anyone. No poems, no photos, making it private. People don’t care anyway – they are booting up for the holidays, making their wallets freaking’ bare. I can’t even muster enough to energy to make cards this year. Donna said she would put up the tree.
Then comes the scan on the 11th – that will tell us if the cancer retreated or has decided to make a stand or travel somewhere else for the winter. I feel I am going to use a lot of my stress pills until then – then I talk to the doctor on the 18th for the interpretations of the scan – is it gone? is it coming back – never left? then I get the verdict of what my life be like – happy? or being sick some more.
Don’t mind my down mood today – it’s all part of my life right now. I can handle it.