Yes, that is a health term – mild for recovering chemo patients – it’s just all around stomach, achy, crappy – (such medical knowledge I have) and resulting attitude.  I am tired of this shit.  Really tired.  I  want my other life back – the one where I jump in the car and go thrift store shopping – or just bead all day.

Sad story about crafts when you are sick – it’s not the same.  sometime my hands shake now trying to bead – it’s like I have to learn all over again and I don’t have the will.  Try to get my mind off bodily functions is hard to do.  But I have to try, not working my crafts is a form of sickness – I feel down and depressed – one of those loops you get into.

So this week, my mixed media club has their Xmas party – that will lift the spirits again.  Being around these artful women is a gift.  There’s a variety of talent and several cancer survivors.  Julie and Patricia (Artist Trading Cards makers)have been visiting and encouraging.  More news on the party after Wednesday.

So while I am grumbling, the world goes on.  Trump drinks water like a baby.  People in Venezuela are descending into chaos, Puerto Rico still has no power, people are still dying of hunger – I’ve had to back off from the news (Since August!) and feel like I should be doing something for someone else instead of bemoaning my health.

I have great doctors, all the modern pills and injections you can get and people who love me and support me – what a jerk I can be.  Getting sick makes you so focused on yourself – I guess that is good and bad.  Good, that you finally do something in your own best interest, but something this huge, like cancer, can stop you in your tracks.  Maybe it’s because you need to turn the reins over to experts – you give your power over to champions who know how to fight this monster.  I feel I’ve been lucky – I was early is spotting the tumor –  had a wonderful surgeon using the latest equipment (still have the nightmares) and a I had a good response to letting the chemo work on the other spots on my liver and lungs – it takes TIME.  Cancer and time are so entwined – how mow much time???  how lethal a cancer???

And bad because sickness isolates you – it takes you away from routine – and routines are comforting.  Nothing is sacred anymore – even just going to the bathroom can become a chore.  Also, my sense of time is wacked.  I go for nap in the afternoon – and then I get up have dinner and go to bed – exciting life – but I feel my body healing – sounds a little strange I know.  I try to concentrate on various organs and send more blood to them – and more good thoughts.

So much for the “me” for today – I need something to eat and then I will try those beads again.

Thanks for all the cards – they make me smile and that’s a good thing these days.

 

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