Harder – coming back after a second major illness – I had appendicitis and I am coming back, slowly – but surely.  It’s not a bounce back situation – I get tired and depressed I am not progressing fast enough.  My being a bad patient again is rearing its ugly head.  I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.

At least with chemo, I knew the drill – I knew how my body would react.  With appendicitis, I keep being afraid it will come back.  any little twitch on my right side is alarming – it’s nothing, but in my mind, I panic.  Geesh – I thought I was braver than this.

I guess after you’ve been on that “down” side, being sick and in the hospital – the fear is real that you’d end up back in there in a whim of your body reacting to something.  On two major health events one after another, it does strange things to your brain.

So, I’ve been concentrating on getting my brain back in shape – to try to find the joy in life again – not just fearing what might happen – what a waste of time and energy.  Sharpened up the drawing pencils again – getting back to basics.  Just pencils and paper.  Still life drawings of simple items I use every day.  Maybe that’s the way back.

We’ll see how it all works out.  I have another 3-month check up scan on June 12th.  Hoping this new plant-based diet is working on getting my body inflammation-free.  Sure still do miss lots of things I used to eat – another mind-bender.  But re-discovering veggies and other good foods is rewarding also.  Eye on the prize – no new cancer.  Eye on the prize – more life.

Advertisements