It’s been months since I’ve written
Caught up in change, I whirl from one to another
And then I realize
It’s HERE.
The date that you died – 28 years ago
How can this pain be so fresh at a memory’s touch
I can be there in the parking lot when I found out
I can see the cars parked and feel the sun on my face
And I now witness from afar my world caving in
and my knees giving out
and the scream in my throat
Suddenly, witness turns to actor
The sadness sets in – sadness of the lonely vigil
I keep every year that you are gone
It all so selfish – it’s all about my loss
You lost the rest of your life
the what would-have-been scenarios I play in my head
never to be
I’ll have to dig deeper this year
to acknowledge the pain and get through it.
and go on to next year.